Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Rant

I am a Facebook addict. Let’s face it. Whenever, I get time in between the barrage of the phone calls and outlook. I log onto Facebook and check out what others have posted. What new jokes and memes are trending.
All my acquaintances have green light in front of their names along with their mugshots. If Facebook was invented for connecting humans, then I am wondering why I am not connecting with them. 

As I am inching towards the wrong side of 20s, the list of people who have known me is just expanding, but the list of people I like to be with, is shrinking fast.

There is a procession of people outside. A huge caravan of vehicles carrying  men with green flags marked with half moon and the customary star, has spilled on the street. Today apart from being Sabbath is the birthday of Prophet Muhammed (PBuH). FYI, this PBuH means Peace be upon him. I first read it in a history book of NCERT.  It took me a long time to figure out what this Pbuh means. I was afraid that I will be branded as a fool, if I asked someone about it, so Pbuh remained a great mystery to me for a long time.

Moving on, where was I? Oh!! What I do during my black-dog days. I go into the memory record room, try to recall the cute sepia photos of all the beauties I have met over the lifetime. Then I try to recall their names or surnames, location etc. Then type in the search box. The search throws up a lot of names along with profile pics. More often, I get so enticed by the “other search” results that I forget who I was looking for, in the first place.Then I check out her profile. Read her posts; try to gauge her personality type. If there are only duck lip pout selfies with her girl-friends. I make it a point to move on immediately. This goes on and on, till a little voice inside me asks me “why”. Then the guilt hormones kick in, and I leave this wild chase and come back to the real world.

But just to inform the readers, these activities have surprisingly got reduced since yours truly found another app called Tinder. Use it, if you live in city with a population over  80 lakh and your only FRIEND is your flat mate.

 I have already deviated a lot from the original idea with which I had awakened myself from the maggi induced siesta on a warm Sunday.

My original idea was to record the first thoughts that come to my mind as I proceed through my news feed. I have heard that a bunch of geeks spend a lot of time in writing algorithms, on what to put on my news feed. Good luck for that, bitches.
So, here again, in the middle of this write up, I am going to refresh my news feed and bore you to death with the commentary.  Yes, I am sarcastic all the time.
The first item on the list a collection of pictures posted by one of my lady juniors. Inherently I don’t like photography. I feel, it is not an art. You take a bloody picture and then concoct it with all the bloody filters and effects and Lo! Here is a picture.  I would rather like, if someone clicks a picture and then paints or writes about it. Photographs are just memory tools. But this disdain for photography might have also stemmed from the fact I cannot take decent clicks myself. So, what you cannot do, just criticize it. Well, I am the fucking writer here, so I will write, whatever I want.

PS: Many of good friends are amazing with camera. Most of my profile pics have been taken by some very good photographers. Which has helped me in turn to lure the opposite sex .So, yes, it is a hypocrisy of the very highest order.

Next on the list is a very smart status update by another junior, male this time. As, I read the status my first reaction is why didn't I come up with that. It is so obvious. I also checked the stats for that status and they are not impressive. My envy evaporates. Thank God.

              Okay, now I am very much engrossed in the feeds, so let’s take a break mate…peace out.

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